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cross my heart, but i rarely hope to die.

Feb. 27th, 2006 | 05:55 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative
music: watching parental conrol, and thinking about deathcab!

Oh what a beautiful view
If you were never aware of what was around you

have you ever just sat down and watch children play? its so relaxing. they're all so care-free. even those of us who have been sheltered most of our lives know that our society is full of hate amongst other vendettas. wouldn't it be wonderful if we could just live care-free? maybe even for just a week, or even just a few days! life isn't as complicated as we make it, but with all that goes on around us; all the hate, all the passion, all the pollution, the cruelity...the completely harmful enviornment we live in, how can we live in peace with others, and more importantly ourselves? how are we to live so care-free when there is so much left to worry about.

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown

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ashley is sick too???

Jan. 26th, 2006 | 03:50 pm

so today i havent really done anything.
im supposda be resting.
i slept till 10:30.

around 2 i went up to ridgeview to work with the trombones in their jazz one band.
the was working with them on the song "four".
it wasnt hard AT ALL
and they still sucked it up.

oh my gosh.
i realized today that im so glad to be out of there!!!
now im actually advancing and learning.
i knew who sucked when i was there too
(including me.. maybe not suck but i didnt think i was that good, thats for sure).
one kid, couldnt even play ANYTHING!
he didnt know notes, positions, anything.
it was horrible!!!

ive never been so frustrated and felt so let down in my life!

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big black penis.

Nov. 6th, 2005 | 07:34 pm
mood: confusedconfused
music: none other, than the overwhelming,amazing- BK!!!


It seems im a little confused lately. I'm not sure what is going on. But... i need to figure things out... soon. No, don't ask me what I'm talking about, b/c... I'm not gonna elaborate anymore than that.

Money, Money, Money.

Pay this, pay that, owe someone this much, gotta spend it on this.

Why does everything have to revolve around money?
What ever happened to getting everything by good looks? And charm? and just plain being nice?

One day....
One day, Money wont be an issue for me.
One day I'll move out of this house, one day I'll have my own apartment, and one day, things will be great.

I have a headache. I think we're gonna finally see SAW 2 tonight. Maybe go to the casbah. :) Yay, ACTUAL TIME WITH REECE <3333333333

Birth Control starts tonight.
Oh, the joy.

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today im givin out lollipops and ass whoopins, and im all out of lollipops...

Oct. 19th, 2005 | 06:20 pm

today was a lot more... filling... than yesterday.

random things happening is fun.

im not annoyed anymore.

and i did way too much driving today.

i saw texas,

and then my mow mow. seeing him makes every day better.

i dont have to go to my piano class on monday.
friday were watching the road warrior (??), w/ mel gibson in eng. comp.
eventually writing an essay about the "tragic gangster hero".

"in the shrimp is wind..."
"I'm a little bit of rubber and a little but of glue..."
- Prof. Lany
i swear my teacher is crazy.

im not going to math tonight. bc im lazy. and would rather sleep.


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wtf mate?

Oct. 18th, 2005 | 09:14 pm
mood: confusedconfused
music: some weird show on wb


reece and i were planning on going to the movies tonight, since i effed those plans up last night.

he said he would hopefully be off by 8.
around 9:10 i decided to call his work...

except the lady said "is it an emergency?" me: "no, not really", lady: "well, were really not supposed to give personal calls unless its an emergency,hun " me: "alright, thank you anyway".

i never want to call him at work, b/c ive always been scared that something like that would happen.. but i sucked it up.
i hope he doesnt get in trouble or something,
he clearly views work as something extremely important and that would not make him too happy. me.. getting him in trouble.

hopefully we still can go.
i cant get mad tho, i screwed it all up last night, which is why we have to go tonight.

edit 9:20
reece just called. it was the bartender. hes off. hes not in trouble. were goin to the movie.

i love my mow mow.

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(no subject)

Aug. 29th, 2005 | 03:00 pm
mood: disappointeddisapponited.. in myself!
music: something corperate is in my head

well.. classes today weren't so bad. late to piano. but it was alright. theory, i have vance.. hes pretty funny. he doesnt care if we miss, jus gotta pass. so me missing in october wont be a big deal. my comp teacher is CRAZY, but HILARIOUS. he cracks me up, i think im really gonna enjoy his class... as well as theory. piano.. well i already got frustrated so its def. gonna take some work. but... it'll be worth it in the end. There are people in there who have been playing for 9 yrs.. im like the exact opp. of that.. absolutely NO real piano experience, what so ever.

nate called and left me a very nice message, including eric. :) that made me happy.
Thanks Nate.

Hung out with JW @ 10-11, played pool in the lounge with him and 2 kids i jus met (one was in my piano class, other was choral), got student id.

Auditions today...
I was horrible.. and i dont jus mean that like "oh yeah, im a good player, i kinda messed up" musician way.. i mean that like "I TOTALLY BOMBED IT!" oh my gosh. i messed up my c scale.. ROYALLY. then went i went into the 2 octave in my A flat scale.. yeah, i got confused, didnt hit it, then totally screwed up coming back down. played a wrong not in my swing piece. Besides the occasional off high resgister, and prolly rushing due to being nervous, i played the funk piece alright. The swing peice, i also think alright in jazz... minus that one wrong note.. and confusion at the end, also due to rushing trying to get done and not bear the horror to them any longer. sightreading was alright.. could've done better.

I just get so nervous during auditions. I needed someone there with me. Like.. Luis. Luis would have been key today.. b/c Luis has always been around when it comes to me doing something "big" in a musical aspect. (solo ensemble, port orange, etc). Jason also would have been nice.. but.. looks like i just sucked. I'm so afraid im gonna get bottom in second band. I will cry, seriously. I'm not kidding. I cannot be bottom player, bottom band. oh and to top it all off.. there are only FIVE bones this year. GREAT! Doubt I'll rank highly. Ergh.

I still have to look forward to going to math tonight (intermediate algebra) at Kent Campus. 7-8:40.
BUT, even better
I'm going to see Reece soon :)

So now.. Nap.
oh yeah, and more auditions tomorrow.

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(no subject)

Jun. 16th, 2005 | 03:48 pm
mood: embarrassedi feel like a jerk!
music: Reece and Misty's Mix- 05

went to bed @ 5 am.got up at 9:30.

lets hear it for my first UN friend-locked entry in like freaking forever.whooooo.

i want to play with sparklers tonight.

and maybe my horn.

work @ 6- close. four hours and fifteen minutes of JOY!!!

whooo. or not so much. hopefully someone kool will be coordinating, and closing bagger will be good too.
this is lame.

apparently i have trust issues.


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May. 25th, 2005 | 02:19 am
mood: ecstaticecstatic
music: Mae

so i know that all you "underclassmen" have been thinkin to yourselves.. "what do graduates of the class of 2005 do at 1:30 am on a tuesday night (wed morning)?"

well, this must be your lucky day.. im gonna let you in on the secret.

at 1:30 am in the morning.. we shave our legs, and some of us even wash our hair, and dare  i say it.. bathe! shocking, i know... but all good things must come to an end eventually.

speaking of i dont agree with that saying/qoute. "all good things must eventually come to an end.."

no. love. love never comes to an end. not true love that is. so unless true love is not a good thing, than... i believe that saying has been proven wrong. sure it has its ups and downs, but it never ends. its like one big continous ferris wheel of life. sometimes your high, sometimes your low, sometimes your jus completely stopped in the middle. sometimes things slow down, and sometimes speed up, and sometimes youre just at a constant. thats love, and i believe thats life in general. and i wouldnt dare to say that true love is a bad thing... and i dont believe it ever ends. therefore i feel confident stating this; all good things do not neccessarily come to an end.

so maybe not all people shave at 1:30 in the morning. but im quite content with it. tomorrow i am going to la playa and im extremely excited. yay, two ex words in one sentence, that too makes me very happy. much like dinosaurs, and curly hair. and waterslides. and twins. and sparkley things, and sequins. and the colors teal, pink, bright green, yellow, and bright orange. anything bright actually.

so im gonna go to sleep now, but i leave you with this...

so once again here i am

with this one night full of reoccuring memories

and this somewhat destined hope.

Just like the last time,

I say, "this time is different"

Lets hope it is.

Im tired of things always being the same.

Eight comfortable hours,

I wouldnt trade for a lifetime of luxary.

In your arms,  i know the time ticks

and in your eyes, my heart skips beats.

with my hand on your chest...

Hands collide, a symbolance of our souls.

I hear your thoughts racing with every beat of your heart

I can feel your desire...

Atleast your lust.

I hope this is more than lust,

Im dying to be the one your heart continues to rapidly beat for.

Id give the world to be your world,

for more than just one night.

This time is different, I can tell.

i feel it when i fall asleep in your arms,

by your side.

I know it when you say "goodbye".

But what can i say?

Im always wrong.

I can only pray this time isnt like the last...

The last five.

I'm only going on wishful thinking.

So wont you make my dreams come true?

You know i could be everything to you.

Just be true to me and I'll never leave your side.

God, I really hope this time isnt the same...


Well I'm a wreck.
I really can't explain it but I,
I hear the music when I look at you.
Orchestrating the song to accommodate the moment.
Well, I'm so in love with you.


(apparently i cannot master an lj cut)

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